


A Family Is What You Make It

by merycula (thanksillpass)



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, kagakuromonth2014
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-09
Updated: 2014-11-09
Packaged: 2018-02-24 17:11:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2589596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thanksillpass/pseuds/merycula
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kagami never expected the mystery assignment to be raising a fake baby with a stranger with a flair for dramatics.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Family Is What You Make It

Taiga was late. He was late for the mystery social experiment that was going to excuse him of his psychology exam. As soon as they heard about it, he and Aomine almost tore the crowd apart to sign up. One of the three professors organizing the experiment, the nice one, said there was no passing or failing and that the most important thing was fun,  but the one in glasses immediately clarified that it was actually for science and idiots should shut up.

Honestly, Kagami couldn’t care less, as long as he had at least one exam less to take – even if it meant losing half of his vacation for it. When he finally entered the class, the handful of equally desperate students were talking animatedly, and some of them seemed pretty distressed. His instinct told him to back out and never come back, but the female professor, the demonic one, noticed him before he could do that.

“Uh… what did I miss?” he muttered awkwardly.

“Oh, nothing much,” drawled she-devil. “Just,  _everything._  Everyone’s got a pair, right? Time to pick your baby~!”

Taiga blinked. Wait, what? What pairs? What  _babies?_  When the first students moved, he noticed they were lining up to the table with a sizable cardboard box filled with dolls on it. Kagami’s eyes widened with horrific realization. Oh, shit. This literally couldn’t be happening. He took it back, he wanted the exam, he wanted seven of them!

He scanned the crowd in search of Aomine, who only shrugged when their eyes met. His face was expressing absolute lack of remorse when he pointed at the tiny, long-haired girl by his side. After making sure she wasn’t looking, Aomine made a crude, but universal gesture that was supposed to draw Kagami’s attention to her prominent chest.

Taiga rolled his eyes, cringing at Aomine’s shameless grin. He couldn’t believe his teammate didn’t wait for him to be gay dads together, he just couldn’t wrap his head around it, that was  _the_  definition of betrayal. Finally, he sent a pleading look to the nice professor, hoping he would take pity on him, but the one in glasses suddenly walked over and presented him with his very own baby.

“Splendid,” he decided sarcastically. “We have a lesbian couple, and now a single parent. This experiment is already looking great.”

Taiga ineptly took the doll in his arms, no doubt looking exactly as terrified as he felt. He almost dropped it, obviously, and she-devil sent him a look that made him wish he was dead.

“Excuse me, what about me?”

All four of them jumped, turning their heads to the short guy that had suddenly appeared behind them.

“Where the hell did you come from?!” shouted she-devil, clutching at her chest.

The guy tilted his head to the side. “I’ve been here from the start. I’m Kuroko Tetsuya.”

“Oh. A gay couple then. Even better. Minimally smaller chance of the baby starving to death. How exciting.”

“Now, now, Hyuuga,” cooed the nice professor, clapping his friend on the back. “Don’t be so cynical. Let’s have some fun~!”

Looking at his new partner, who was eyeing the doll curiously, but from a safe distance, Kagami very much doubted he would be having any fun any time soon. The only small consolation was the scene he witnessed when he finally tore his eyes off Kuroko – Aomine’s partner shoved the baby at him and unceremoniously walked away, flipping her hair in a oddly decisive way.

 

* * *

 

This. Was. A nightmare.

They were asked to include in their reports what kind of jobs they had in their elaborate make-believe, and to act accordingly. Since Taiga wanted to be a professional basketball player, he was excused from raising his child for the duration of imaginary practices, games, interviews, meetings – things like that.

Aomine became a police officer so he could bail whenever he felt like it, quite unsurprisingly. Since his wife was a very accomplished CEO of a very important company, they actually hired Aomine’s roommate to be a fulltime babysitter of their fake child; it was distressing how seriously Sakurai was taking his job.

What completely blew Kagami’s mind, however, was that Kuroko decided to be a stay-at-home dad, seeing as they were rich, and all. In general, he acclimatized to the situation surprisingly quickly, getting in character like a professional, and it pissed Kagami off. He even moved in with him, since Taiga’s flatmate was gone until the next semester, and he brought his fucking _dog_  with him!

But the true beginning of the end of their fake married life was when Kuroko discovered that Kagami was a decent cook, because he started organizing those dinner parties, to which he invited Aomine and his fake family. It turned out that Kuroko and Momoi were friends in high school and,  _really,_  those two were judgmental enough separately.

“Are you sure this meal is nutritious enough, Kagami-kun?” demanded Kuroko, poking the contents of his plate with a fork. “The baby needs to eat as healthily as possible right now.”

“You aren’t breastfeeding, you know,” muttered Taiga grumpily. “You’re asking for yourself, not the kid.”

Kuroko sighed theatrically. “I knew the baby would change everything. You don’t care about me the way you used to.”

Kagami spluttered indignantly, about to murder his fake hubby with a butter knife. That was the main reason Taiga was so miserable – the fake drama Kuroko created for their fake family. He insisted on making their assignment as interesting and colorful as possible, but he only made it embarrassing for Kagami.

“We’re getting a divorce and I’m running off with the babysitter,” said Aomine suddenly.

He clapped Taiga on the back comfortingly, pointing at Sakurai who was currently soothing the baby. Taiga rolled his eyes – he could understand that Kuroko had managed to convince Momoi to play his silly game, but to think that Aomine got dragged into it as well was just too much for Kagami. Momoi snorted in amusement, not looking up from her phone, and Sakurai sniffled softly, apologizing.

“Don’t worry,” said Aomine to his new fake mistress. “You’re a better mother than she’ll ever be.”

“Oh, stuff it, Dai-chan. When was the last time  _you_  even looked at your son? If you wanted an unaccomplished wife who’d stay home and wash your socks, you should have thought about it before you married me.”

“Hey! Ryou’s accomplished!”

Kagami tuned out their squabble and closed his eyes, methodically rubbing his temples – this was actually ten times more exhausting than getting up in the middle of the night and changing diapers. All of the sudden, he felt a soothing hand on his knee and he instinctively covered it with his own, before registering what he was doing. With comically wide eyes, he looked at Kuroko, who was staring back at him in mild surprise. Taiga instantly shook off his hand, raising to his feet.

“I have a. I mean. Sponsors. A meeting with sponsors. I gotta go.”

By the concerned looks he was getting, he assumed his face must have been as red as it felt. On shaking knees, he tried to step away from the table, knocking over a chair in the process, and his friends’ confusion slowly turned into suspicion.

“Daddy thinks his career is more important than us,” said Kuroko to their baby suddenly. “But don’t worry, sweetheart, we will be fine on our own.”

He sent Kagami an exaggeratedly hurt look, holding out his hand for Momoi to take in an act of solidarity, and that was Taiga’s cue to get the hell out of there.

 

* * *

 

It was weird, after that, really weird. Because, sure, there was attraction, from the beginning, at least on Kagami’s part, but that  _domesticity_  was simply weird. Because despite of the soap opera atmosphere Kuroko liked to set for their friends, despite being a complete asshole who was nicer to his dog than to Taiga most of the time, Kuroko was a good partner.

For all his jabs and snarky comments, he never once outright laughed at Kagami’s mistakes, not even when the baby peed on his face. He walked Taiga through everything – holding, feeding, washing, dressing – always calm and supportive, oddly proud of every little success. They were pretty okay parents, all things considered, which was basically the point, but Kagami was worried because they were a really okay marriage too.

It was actually horrifying how well he could work with someone whom he met a couple of weeks ago. They never got in each other’s way, naturally dividing their responsibilities around the house and the baby. Kuroko cleaned after Taiga’s cooking and he was often the one to get up in the middle of the night since Kagami, theoretically, had to wake up early.

And sometimes, just sometime, Taiga’s heart would skip a beat when Kuroko smiled at him blearily over the morning coffee, or dozed off on the couch with their fake baby on his chest.  _That_  was weird.

“Do you feel any different about Momoi now? Because of the assignment? Like, do you want to be with her now?”

Aomine raised an eyebrow, carefully swallowing his food, a barely noticeable flush to his face. “Now that I know what a control freak she is? No way! She’s a demon in an angel’s body!”

“What about Sakurai?”

“What? No! I’m not  _actually_  running off with him, you know? I mean, he does make kickass lunch for me to take to work but- What’s this about, Kagami? Did any of them say something to you?!”

Taiga shook his head, rubbing his neck nervously. “N-nothing. You three just- You make a really good team and I was… w-wondering what was your secret…”

Kagami couldn’t lie for shit, obviously, but it was also an undeniable truth that Aomine was dumb enough to buy anything as long as he was praised. Pleased, Aomine started blabbering about keeping it professional at all costs, which not only was a blatant lie, but it wasn’t helpful in Taiga’s case at all.

How could he start acting professional about the little make-believe family he created with Kuroko if he already wanted the stupid assignment to never end?

He didn’t exactly take out his frustrations on his fake family, but he was constantly unfocused and distracted, which was easily reflected in the pathetic care he was taking of the baby. He couldn’t even feed the damn doll without it wailing like a dying animal.

“You’re doing it wrong, Kagami-kun. I’ve shown you a hundred times already.”

Taiga jumped, startled, nearly dropping the baby on the head and proving that he was indeed the loser Kuroko thought he was. He took a few calming breaths before sending Kuroko a glare, in response to which he received nothing but a smug smirk.

“Yeah? I suck at this, how’s that any news?”

Kuroko sighed, walking over. He carefully took the baby in his arms, gently rocking its tiny plastic body, and the crying stopped. Kagami handed him the bottle before he could even ask for it, and they stood there, silently listening to the tiny noises the doll made. Taiga was grateful, but he couldn’t help feeling cheated – what did Kuroko have that he didn’t?

“How  _are_  you so good at this? I never asked.”

“That’s because Kagami-kun is a cruel and neglectful husband,” teased Kuroko, not taking his eyes off the baby. “I like kids and I would like to work with them in the future. I joined this project for practice, and I enjoyed researching. I have a lot of free time, sitting here alone all day while Kagami-kun brings home the proverbial bacon.”

Kagami rolled his eyes. “So now you have a problem with me working too much, is that it?”

Kuroko chuckled softly and looked at Taiga, clearly pleased with him taking the bait and playing along for once. But, strangely, he stayed silent, just staring at Kagami with an unreadable expression that made his face heat up. Taiga wanted to kiss him.

“It’s gonna puke if you don’t stop,” he blurted out, terrified by his own thoughts.

Kuroko blinked, looking back at the baby, and slowly pulled the bottle away, putting the doll on his shoulder and patting its back delicately. He started walking around the room, humming, and it hurt Kagami to look at the scene, so he left the room.

 

* * *

 

 

The experiment was ending after the weekend, and Taiga was depressed. Unlike Aomine, who already fake quit his fake job and fake booked a fake ticket to fake Bahamas. Unlike Momoi, who was generously going through all off their reports to make sure they were flawless. Unlike Kuroko, who took his dumb dog and went back to his own dumb dorm room.

It was just him and the baby for the entire Sunday, and Kagami decided to spend it exactly like that – enjoying the peace and quiet. Until, of course, the baby decided that crying was a much better idea. He tried everything, but he was unable to do anything to make it stop. He called the only competent person he knew that wasn’t Kuroko; the last thing he needed was his teasing.

“It’s crying for his other dad,” mumbled Sakurai sleepily and Taiga wanted to hit him.

“It’s a doll, Sakurai, it’s not crying for Kuroko. It doesn’t even recognize him. You don’t have any actual advice that can actually help me?”

“I’m sorry for being so useless!”

Before Sakurai could really get into apologizing, which was kind of his thing, Kagami hung up. He absolutely refused to call Kuroko – he didn’t want to seem desperate, despite the fact that desperate was exactly what he was. He could deal with it himself, he was the doll’s father just as much as Kuroko and he would make it acknowledge that. Before he could fully realize such an aggressive attitude wasn’t going to do much good, the doorbell rang, making him jump up.

“Kagami-kun,” said Kuroko, audibly displeased. “Do I hear our baby crying?”

Taiga groaned, wanting for the floor to open up beneath him and swallow him whole. “No!”

“Let me in, Kagami-kun.”

“No!”

Nigou barked impatiently on the other side of the door, and a shiver went down Kagami’s spine. Angrily, he opened the door, staring down at Kuroko, who let himself in, instantly taking the doll off Taiga’s arms. He did his usual mojo and, unsurprisingly, but much to Kagami’s chagrin, the baby fell silent. He carefully sat down on the couch and Taiga flopped down beside him, defeated.

“I give up. My own child hates me.”

Kuroko chuckled, shaking his head. “It just senses you’re distressed. Of course it’s unhappy when you are, Kagami-kun.”

Kagami swallowed, scowling. Great, Kuroko could tell Taiga was miserable without him after only forty seconds, just perfect. Pissed off at Kuroko, at the baby, and at himself, he crossed his arms on his chest and grumbled petulantly.

“What are you even doing here? Do you have a radar for my failures or something?”

“I missed my family.”

Taiga cursed under his breath. “It’s not the time for your stupid jokes, okay? We’re not fake sharing fake custody over our fake baby, we’re-”

“I’m not joking,” interrupted Kuroko, shushing the mewling doll. “I… I do realize this is unusual and, perhaps, inappropriate, but… I grew very fond of you and the baby, Kagami-kun. I took Nigou out for a walk and, before I knew it, my feet have carried me here. I felt… there was something missing the entire morning. It seems that it was you two that I missed.”

Nigou whined softly, putting his head on Kuroko’s knee, and Taiga gaped incredulously, rendered completely speechless. His head reeling, he almost choked on air when Kuroko finally lifted his eyes to look at him, the saddest smile Kagami had ever seen on his face.

“So what?” he spluttered. “You want to have a baby with me?!”

Kuroko chuckled. “Perhaps not immediately, although, it is comforting to know what kind of a parent you would make, Kagami-kun,” he teased. “At the very least, I would very much like for us to keep in touch, if it isn’t too much to ask. I do not expect you to return my feelings, of course. I can behave.”

“Sure you can,” said Taiga dazedly, not buying the innocent act for a second.

One thing he was certain of was that he got to know Kuroko, really know him. He knew Kuroko wasn’t nearly as oblivious as to think Taiga wasn’t head over heels in love with him – even Kagami figured it out already and he wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. Kuroko was giving him an out, because he knew Taiga too. It was strangely endearing, how noble Kuroko was trying to be, when he was probably boiling inside with the urge to smack Kagami over the head and force him to admit his feelings.

“What if I don’t want you to behave?” he stammered, his face aflame.

Kuroko’s eyes widen momentarily before going back to normal, a smirk spreading on his lips. “Kagami-kun… Not in front of the child…”

Taiga rolled his eyes, swatting Kuroko’s shoulder. Of course he would make fun of him while Kagami spilled his guts out, what else was he expecting? Suddenly, Kuroko rested his head on Taiga’s shoulder, pressing closer to him until Kagami lifted his arm and wrapped it around the man holding his fake baby. They stayed like that for a moment, content and warm, nearly dozing off, until a loud bang startled them into full alertness.

“Yo, we’re here for the dinner party~!” yelled Aomine, scaring the doll into crying again.

Taiga groaned. “You have  _got_  to be shitting me…”


End file.
